If I were a superhero

If I were a superhero, I would be Electrostatic Man and my superpower would be static electricity. Why you ask? For some reason I seem to generate an abnormal (I like to refer to it as superhuman) amount of static electricity.

Most superheroes realize their superpower during the awkward stages of puberty and it is generally thought that the changes in hormones trigger the superpower to become active. I seem to be a late bloomer as my superpower seems to have come in to effect now that I am in my 30s. As my wifes notes, this may have some correlation to the fact that my chest hair is just now beginning to fill in.

I have often wondered how and why I generate so much static electricity. Is it my shoes? Do I shuffle my feet when I walk? Honestly it doesn't seem to matter what shoes I have on, what surface I am walking on, or how I am walking. In fact I seem to generate static electricity even when I sit still.

Costco is the worst. I have been shocked so bad there that I thought my fingers would explode. At first I thought it was something wrong with Costco. But my wife and I can shop together and touch the same door, and I will get a huge shock and she won't feel a thing. The biggest shocks come from the Freezer doors. It can be hard when I have to open more than one door on a shopping trip. The first door always catches me off guard. But by the second and third door my hands hesitate and even twitch before touching the door out of fear of getting shocked.

The only time my wife gets shocked at Costco is when I accidentally touch her while in the store. It makes for quite a powerful kiss when accompanied by a full charge of static electricity. Needless to say, we have a standing, "No kissing in Costco rule."

I have yet to figure out how to control my superpower. I am not sure that I will ever be able to use it to leap over tall buildings or save the world. But with the rising gas prices, I would settle for being able to generate enough static to power an electric car.